He raped me!
Dear Pastor,
I'm in my early twenties. I'm African. I was a victim of a date rape sometime in my teenage. I never shared this with anyone before. I'm Christian and have been trying to go over the experience (by pushing the past behind me and trying to embrace relationships with men), but I don't think I'm anywhere near progress. Sometimes I feel like shooting the first man dead in his tracks the next time I see him. (Un)fortunately, my country has tough gun laws and I can't risk getting one from the underworld, even if I wanted to. What must I do to help my estate?
L.
Dear L.,
I can feel your anger at the ordeal of rape you went through.
It is totally normal to be annoyed at the injustice of a fellow human being. However, you must be willing to intentionally to forgive the man who raped you – not for his sake, but for your sake.
Forgiveness will release you to be able to continue your life. The scar may remain in your heart and soul but the pain will be removed.
Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a choice. I encourage you also to forgive men. Not all men are beasts, just like it is a fact that not all women are angels.
I also encourage you to seek counsel from a Christian professional counsellor to help you ridding yourself of anger and vengeance.
Don’t let the past hold you captive because of what someone did to you – as painful as it is. Open yourself to God, forgive that man (by name) and ask for God’s healing. He is able to heal us of every emotional pain.
posted by Askthepastor @ 6:13 AM
9 Comments:
I was also really wronged by a man in the course of my work. I felt vey bitter and hated the man. It turned out I was being eaten from inside and did not have peace until I forgave the man. I went to him and told him so and also asked him to forgive me for hating him. It was a healing to me. Forgive him - it is painful but forgive him. Dont hold it on yourself. He does not even know he wronged you. Write to him and tell him you forgive me - be genuine and you will see the peace you will have. Then get on with your life. Dont forget God loves you even if the rapist did not love you. You are precious in the eyes of God.
hi, the pastor is two-timer. how come he can do that with preaching????
Hi
I sincerely believe that the person who wrote this felt condemned and could not talk to anyone thus they wrote
First I pray that you find grace in your heart to forgive yourself. Its not your fault that this happened to you. You were wronged you did not deserve to experience such a demeaning
act. It was not only a physical but psychologicaly deameaning act.
The first step to healing is to forgive yourself, getting an apology from the person who wronged you, would help. Then you have to learn to let go day by day. Dont let this experience destroy you.
You need to master all the strength to let go. Its tough I have been there. The nightmares, the distrust, the experience playing in your head.
Dont give it power, strive to let go. It hard but time heals over pain.
I am a rape survivor as well. I ended pregnant at 16 as a result of date rape.
My father was a deacon at the time and he became very angry at me when he found out that I had conceived a child. Since I had been sexually abused by an uncle since age 4, I did not realize what had happened to me during the dates. I know that sounds stupid, but when it becomes the 'norm' you really don't know any different.
Anyway, my father made me marry my rapist. At sixteen, I was pregnant by rape and married to my rapist.
Our son died at eight months gestation.
We have now been married for over 24 years and the Lord helped me raise our three daughters.
Now we have one grandson and another grandson on the way. My husband makes a much better grandparent than he did a father.
I still have much difficulty in my life dealing with the issues that have come from all of it. Furthermore, my husband has much difficulty in understanding what he has done to me. Being raped is horrendous, but then add the fact that you are made to marry him makes it the rape that never ends.
I have a few questions that I would like to post here.
This concerns David’s daughter, Tamar.
In the Bible, it states that she lived a desolate life. Does that mean that she could not overcome the horrendous crime of rape that was committed against her?
If so…
Does that mean that there is no hope of overcoming the issues that come from such circumstances for rape survivors today?
If not…
Where, in the Bible, does it tell a rape survivor how to overcome that which has happened to her?
Is this her refining fire although she did not ask for it?
My e-mail is worthyisthyname@yahoo.com
Rape has to do with broken boundaries (boundaries placed there by God. Whether one is raped as a toddler or a grown up, this atrocious crime breaks a boundary that one shouldn't have. While i agree with the Pastor that forgiveness is Key...there is quite a process to both healing and forgiveness. Those who experience rape need to see a counsellor and a proffessional one at that. Do not feel condemned if forgiveness does not come immediately...it is a God given grace. Take the time to heal and allow yourself to go through the emotions. It is sad that in Kenya proffessional counseling is not highly advocated and worse yet the counsellors in the churches are not trained and thus can easily put bandages where ones wounds needs to air to heal. To the churches in Kenya i recommend that you liaise with proffesional counsellors to understand how to counsel even if it only extends basic lessons so that you can help those who have undergone traumatic experiences. The church is a place for those in need of healing. I am undergoing training in counselling and i am surprised at how God made the human body and why you cannot judge a person. Events that took place while one was in the womb such as rejection can affect your entire life as a grown up. This is a direct attack on one's life to stunt the potential in you.Many of us live life with brokeness that never gets mended. We try to quote scriptures and pray prayers that cannot help simply because we want quick fixes.
To those called to the counselling ministry: 2Tim 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God,a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,rightly dividing the word of truth.
God gives gifts but you must study.
This is a tough issue to deal with as Wamboi stated. I think forgiveness is healthy but how does one forgive when he/she has not dealt with the mix of feelings. I was raped at age 14 by my teacher...It's taken more than 10 years for me to accept that I was raped. I knew what he did to me was dirty/wrong and I thought it was my fault. I did not tell my parents or any family member for fear of being ridiculed or causing them too much pain.
Over the years, I have shared my story with 3 of my X boyfriends and my now husband.
Guess what, it doesn't help...we need professionals for such issues.... There are nights when I'll be in tears and he doesn't know how to deal with it.
Hell, I don't know how to deal with it myself!
http://www.openheaven.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=11613&PN=1
I was sexual molested when I was growing up but because I was a child when it happened it didn't really afected me, but when I was 21yrs. old. I became a new born againg christian, I really wanted to do everything right, one of the leader of the youth group of the church, I used to attended was my counselor, (I used to lived by myself) he use to come to my apartment to talk to me about the Bible and also pray but after a year or so, this guy force to have sex with him telling me that if I denied myself God was going to kill my family, ( I know it sound stupid but I didn't want to put my family in danger of any kind.)
This went on for about 3months, he forced me to let him moved into my place and told me not to tell any one because any time was good for me to loose a member of my family, I never told anyone about it just because I didn't want to take a chance and also because I felt embarrased. It's being 6 yrs. since that happened and I still can't recovered from it, I have problems believing in God because I feel that He allowed this guy to do so much harm on me, in times when was just trying to give my best to Him, also it's hard for me to trust in people , friends or just anybody, I feel that most people only want to take avantage but really there's no good in people, it's like living in hell, there is times when I can't even eat, I spend weeks without eating, sometimes almost month because the pain is so strong, sometimes I want to die but I think that taking my life away would be rewarding the action of that person who once I though was a man of God, it is so difficult to deal with it, although I did forgave him I still can't understand why did God allowed this to happened to me and if there was ever a purpose and if it did, if had to be this hard way.
Post a Comment
<< Home